Typical Filipino (XXIV): Typisch Philippinisch (XXIV): Utang ng loob - A dept of inner self

Utang na loob (Visayan: utang kabubut-un) is a Filipino cultural trait which, when translated literally, means "a debt of one's inner self (loob)." It is also often translated as a "debt of gratitude.

In the study of Filipino psychology, utang na loob is considered an important "accommodative surface value", along with hiya (propriety/dignity) and pakikisama (companionship/esteem). It is one of the values by which Filipinos accommodate the demands of the world around them as opposed to its counterpart grouping, referred to as the "confrontative surface values", which include values such as lakas ng loob and pakikibaka.^[1]

The essence of utang na loob is an obligation to appropriately repay a person who has done one a favor. The favors which elicit the Filipino's sense of utang na loob are typically those whose value is impossible to quantify, or, if there is a quantifiable value involved, involves a deeply personal internal dimension.^[3] This internal dimension, loob, differentiates utang na loob from an ordinary utang (debt); being an internal phenomenon, utang na loob thus goes much deeper than ordinary debt or even the western concept of owing a favor. Filipino psychology explains that this is a reflection of the kapwa orientation of shared personhood or shared self, which is at the core of the Filipino values system.^[1]

What Filipino culture should be stopped?

By: Jean-Marie Valheur

Young, handsome and exceptionally well-endowed

I like to write. All answers I have written, you may copy, you may use any lines you enjoy, you may copy, paste, share, translate, publish at your leisure — just credit me by name, is all. It’s the bare minimum a decent person would do.

Who am I? Just, somebody who likes to write. It’s really not that complicated. I exist, you exist, we all exist. Just briefly. And my brief existence, I dedicate to writing enjoyable little things for no one in particular.

Utang na loob is a pretty toxic belief. The whole ‘owing your relatives something’. Or just owing them the ‘debt of gratitude’. Which seems fine on the surface, but it’s often abused. Say you are your average Filipino family, fairly poor as Filipino families tend to be. You have one auntie in Canada or Dubai. She’s hot shit. She’s super important. She sends boxes home and give gifts to her nephews, nieces, siblings back home. Nice of her, isn’t it?

But no, auntie isn’t really very nice at all. Because some relatives get considerably better gifts then others, some barely get anything at all. Even among cousins the same age, some kids are ‘favorites’ and get brand new roller skates, whereas a ‘less loved’ kid gets only a Toblerone or a large Snickers bar. But auntie is so good, she’s so helpful… you have to worship her like a God.

Oh and auntie is so selfless too! She never married, so she could support her relatives. Never mind that she kind of hates kids and kind of hates men and kind of hates everybody. Never mind that she is hardly marriage material to begin with. No, no, it’s all a ‘noble sacrifice’ from her end. She will side in family conflicts. She will determine the outcome of these conflicts. Which of the nieces or nephews will be supported financially to go through college, the kindest, the smartest, or the one whose parents kissed aunties ass the most?

At times it feels like Filipino families are a bit like Game of Thrones with various ‘factions’ duking it out. People will simultaneously look up to and praise their ‘rich’ foreign relatives, and hate them at the same time for their arrogance. There’s a lot of in-fighting, hidden and not-so-hidden rivalries. And it’s all hidden underneath this cultural veneer of ‘showing how grateful you are’.

As an example… a great-aunt in our family has once helped some of our relatives. Now my wife’s family is expected to be super nice to this great-aunt. People forget, however, that this great-aunt only became successful in the first place because her older sister, wife’s grandmother, paid for her studies in the first place, allowing her to go abroad. Now each year on great-aunties birthday, slavishly devoted relatives make videos of themselves wishing her a ‘long and happy life’, puke-worthy sweet music underneath, holding up posters with her face like she’s a Filipino provincial version of Kim Il-Sung… you know, because of gratitude. Doesn’t work both ways, though, and a lot of it is determined by how popular you end up being inside the family. Older sister later got broke, so her kindness and help in getting younger sister rich and abroad is conveniently forgotten as the rest of the Clan kisses her little sisters ass into perpetuity.

Utang na loob is the single most toxic Filipino cultural aspect I’ve ever seen, and I have stories for days on how it gets abused by some people. There’s so much bitterness, so much awfulness. So much gossip, so much drama. And sometimes this spans two, three, even four generations. The concept of ‘owing one’ to the sister of your grandmother for something she did forty years ago and it allowing her to act like a bitch in the year 2020 is ridiculous.