I used to be bothered when people, at the last minute usually, would ask me to go do something and all I wanted was to go home.
On the one hand, if I turned them down, I feared they wouldn't ask again and I'd end up being isolated. On the other hand, if I gave in and went out, I'd inevitably not have fun and, in the long run, ended up hating myself for lacking the guts to say no.
I discussed this with a friend who happened to be a counselor. Her advice is simple, but invaluable.
Just say I'd love to go out, but I already have made plans. A lie? Shading the truth? Absolutely not. I do have plans, with myself. The plan might be to just go home and veg out. But it was a plan.
In the end, this gave me the freedom to say yes when I wanted to go out, or no, if I didn't. As a side benefit, my friends learned to ask a few days in advance, instead of at the last minute.
Am I shading the truth? Perhaps a bit. But no one gets hurt and I'm not seen as a nay-sayer who never goes out, and in turn is never asked. ? Well, I have plans.
I could go on and on, but I have to run. I have plans for the rest of the night.
Life doesn't only consist of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Life has ups and downs and everyone tries to survive in his own clock-shell surrounded by a dangerous ocean. Life is stuffed with plenty of excuses, and we are sometimes unable to apologize and say a meaningful "sorry" at the right moment.
Excuses don't know the question of age. I still have two significant examples to share:
The church was crowded. confirmation. A woman came too late. Traffic jams. In need of help, the woman looked to the left and then to the right. It looked like a young man liked to help her. He murmured, "Show up a bit, the LOLA likes to sit down". The situation looked problem-free at that moment. But after taking a deep breath, the LOLA realized the young man's comment. She was just 38 years "young"! With uneasiness she looked at the youngster, who started smiling at her. How old could he be? 14 or 15? A very big difference already to her age. Then suddenly, the young man realized his inappropriate remark and stuttered, "Sorry Madam, please excuse me!"
Choked with emotions, I also listened to the story of my former editor colleague in Germany several years ago. Her mother had expelled her from life. Only while laying on her deathbed, her mother did offer a plea in extenuation because of her lifelong fault.
Excuses because one is embarrassed or with a simple alibi can be found at every corner. Did you, my dear reader, count already, how many times you used the term "IF"?
Just to mention this example: If I could pass my German language exam with distinction, my partner would be very proud of me!" Sure, not only he, but also me, as your German language professor in USEP - University of Southeastern Philippines, Institute of Languages.
"If there would be a God, there wouldn't be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth!"
"If there wouldn't be the little world IF, how could we still have our not necessary excuses?
Maybe, you still remember Elton John's song from 1976: "Sorry (in the right moments!) seems to be the hardest word" ... .
That depends!
On the one hand, if I turned them down, I feared they wouldn't ask again and I'd end up being isolated. On the other hand, if I gave in and went out, I'd inevitably not have fun and, in the long run, ended up hating myself for lacking the guts to say no.
I discussed this with a friend who happened to be a counselor. Her advice is simple, but invaluable.
Just say I'd love to go out, but I already have made plans. A lie? Shading the truth? Absolutely not. I do have plans, with myself. The plan might be to just go home and veg out. But it was a plan.
In the end, this gave me the freedom to say yes when I wanted to go out, or no, if I didn't. As a side benefit, my friends learned to ask a few days in advance, instead of at the last minute.
Am I shading the truth? Perhaps a bit. But no one gets hurt and I'm not seen as a nay-sayer who never goes out, and in turn is never asked. ? Well, I have plans.
I could go on and on, but I have to run. I have plans for the rest of the night.
Life doesn't only consist of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Life has ups and downs and everyone tries to survive in his own clock-shell surrounded by a dangerous ocean. Life is stuffed with plenty of excuses, and we are sometimes unable to apologize and say a meaningful "sorry" at the right moment.
Excuses don't know the question of age. I still have two significant examples to share:
The church was crowded. confirmation. A woman came too late. Traffic jams. In need of help, the woman looked to the left and then to the right. It looked like a young man liked to help her. He murmured, "Show up a bit, the LOLA likes to sit down". The situation looked problem-free at that moment. But after taking a deep breath, the LOLA realized the young man's comment. She was just 38 years "young"! With uneasiness she looked at the youngster, who started smiling at her. How old could he be? 14 or 15? A very big difference already to her age. Then suddenly, the young man realized his inappropriate remark and stuttered, "Sorry Madam, please excuse me!"
Choked with emotions, I also listened to the story of my former editor colleague in Germany several years ago. Her mother had expelled her from life. Only while laying on her deathbed, her mother did offer a plea in extenuation because of her lifelong fault.
Excuses because one is embarrassed or with a simple alibi can be found at every corner. Did you, my dear reader, count already, how many times you used the term "IF"?
Just to mention this example: If I could pass my German language exam with distinction, my partner would be very proud of me!" Sure, not only he, but also me, as your German language professor in USEP - University of Southeastern Philippines, Institute of Languages.
"If there would be a God, there wouldn't be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth!"
"If there wouldn't be the little world IF, how could we still have our not necessary excuses?
Maybe, you still remember Elton John's song from 1976: "Sorry (in the right moments!) seems to be the hardest word" ... .
That depends!
