If, in traditional Filipino courtship, a woman is supposed to say no to a man approaching her even if she likes him, then how can you make the difference between that and a real no?

 

Filipino Relationship and Dating

 · 

Answered by 

Ronna Lou

 

Mon

Hahaha the pakipot strikes again!

By the way, pakipot means playing hard to get in Filipino. Like how the question describes it, it’s when a Filipina acts like she’s not interested or says no to a man trying to court her even if she really likes him back. And I get it, this can be very frustrating.

I think I already talked about this before here on Quora. Remember, traditional Filipino courtship or panliligaw is focused on making sure the man courting the Filipina is sincere and determined. Playing hard to get is one way of “testing” how patient and committed the guy is.

You can read more about this practice here

[1]

 and here

[2]

.

Just to be clear, a Filipina is not “supposed” to do this. It’s just a common practice because it’s the usual way of checking if a guy is really sincere or not. It can be very frustrating sometimes because when you look at it, there’s some manipulation going on and it’s unfair to the men.

But some men also like the chase, and I think a big part of it is knowing that the woman likes you back even if she’s playing pakipot.

So how do you know that a Filipina actually likes you if she’s playing hard to get?

Well a big sign is how much attention she’s giving you. If a Filipina really doesn’t like you, she probably won’t spend a lot of time entertaining you. She’d rather spend more time with the man she actually likes. But if she’s always being maldita or enjoying all the attention you’re giving her, then it’s probably because she likes being chased by you.

Another sign is if she actively offers you opportunities to prove your feelings. A Filipina who isn’t interested will usually just stop you. But if she’s secretly interested, she will tell you what you can do to prove yourself. Maybe she’ll tell you to get this type of flower instead or challenge you to talk to her scary father. She doesn’t want you to get her sweet yes so easily, but she will tell you how to do it.

You can also just look at her body language. She will probably roll her eyes and pout, but you can see that she’s smiling and sometimes even laughing at your flirty jokes. She might even flirt back but pretend she’s just being strict.

Again, this is an old tradition that some Filipinas don’t really practice, but it can also be a fun way of getting to know each other. Just make sure you know your limits, and that she’s not actually taking advantage of you. If you do this song–and-dance properly, it can be very fulfilling when she finally admits her feelings for you.

Footnotes

[1] https://islandladies.medium.com/why-are-filipina-women-playing-hard-to-get-2a373caec37c

[2] https://www.discoverphilippines.org/p/from-torpe-to-pamamanhikan-the-unique

IF IFS AND ANDS WERE POTS AND PANS...

A phrase that advises against wishing for impossible or absurd things to happen. The full phrase is "If ifs and ands were pots and pans, there'd be no work for tinkers' hands." A: "If only my parents would give me a car, life would be so much easier." B: "Yeah, well, if ifs and ands were pots and pans, right?"

A still longer version: If wishes were horses, then beggars could ride / If turnips were watches, I'd wear one by my side / If ifs and ands were pots and pans / There would be no work for tinkers. Dandy Don Meredith often recited a similar a somewhat similar phrase about wishful thinking that involved candied nuts

Well, life doesn't only consist of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Life has ups and downs and everyone tries to survive in his own clock-shell surrounded by a dangerous  ocean. Life is stuffed with plenty of excuses, and we are sometimes unable to apologize and say a meaningful "sorry" at the right moment.

Excuses don't know the question of age. I still have two significant examples to share:

The church was crowded. confirmation. A woman came too late. Traffic jams. In need of help, the woman looked to the left and then to the right. It looked like a young man liked to help her. He murmured, "Show up a bit, the LOLA likes to sit down". The situation looked problem-free at that moment. But after taking a deep breath, the LOLA realized the young man's comment. She was just 38 years "young"! With uneasiness she looked at the youngster, who started smiling at her. How old could he be? 14 or 15? A very big difference already to her age. Then suddenly, the young man realized his inappropriate remark and stuttered, "Sorry Madam, please excuse me! If I would have only known...!"

Choked with emotions, I also listened to the story of my former editor colleague in Germany several years ago. Her mother had expelled her from life. Only while laying on her deathbed, her mother did offer a plea in extenuation because of her lifelong fault. 

Excuses because one is embarrassed or with a simple alibi can be  found at every corner. Did you, my dear reader, count already, how many times you used the term "IF"?

Just to mention this example, which I noticed several times from my students. " If I could pass my German language exam, my partner would be very proud of me!" Sure, not only he, but also me, as your German language professor in Davao City. 

"If there would be a God, there wouldn't be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth!"

Well, if that's the way it's got to be...? If there is no other way? 

Maybe, you still remember Elton John's song from 1976: "Sorry (in the right moments!) seems to be the hardest word..." That depends!

It's always a big IF ...

If I see or read this little word "if", my first thought is about the nice song by Bread. Nice lyrics. But, if Ifs and Ans were Pots and Pans ... there would be no need for tinkers! An old proverbs, which hits the nail on its head even much better.

Life doesn't only consists of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Life has ups and downs, and everyone tries to survive in his own clock-shell surrounded by a dangerous  ocean. Life is stuffed with plenty of excuses. Sometimes,  we are even unable to apologize and say a meaningful "sorry" at the right moment to the person we just treated wrong.

Excuses don't know the question of age. I still have two significant examples to share:

The church was crowded. Confirmation. A woman came too late. Traffic jam. In need of help, the woman looked to the left and then to the right. It looked like a young man planned to help her. He murmured, "Show up a bit, the LOLA likes to sit down". The situation looked problem-free at that moment. But after taking first a deep breath, the LOLA realized the young man's comment. She was just only 38 years "young"! With uneasiness she looked at the youngster, who started smiling at her. How old could he be? 14 or 15? A very big difference already to her age. Then suddenly, the young man realized his inappropriate remark and stuttered, "Sorry Ma-am, please excuse me!"

Choked with emotions, I also listened the story of my former editor colleague in Germany several decades ago. Her mother had expelled her from life. Only while laying on her deathbed, the mother did offer a plea in extenuation because of her lifelong fault.

Excuses, because one is embarrassed or with a simple alibi can be  found at every corner. Did you, my dear readers, count already, how many times you used the term "IF"?

Just to mention this example: If I could pass my German language exam with distinction, my partner in Germany  would be very proud of me!" Sure, not only he, also me, as your German language professor in USEP - University of Southeastern Philippines, Institute of Languages and Creative Arts. "If my fiancee and I get married, where will I live, one of my students asked me yesterday.

I let you know, IF and when I come to a decision. If only I had known ... .

"If there would be a God, there wouldn't be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth!"

"If there wouldn't be the little world IF, how could we still express our not necessary excuses?

Maybe, you still remember Elton John's song from 1976: "Sorry (in the right moments!) seems to be the hardest word" ... . That depends!

If ifs and ans were pots and pans…

TUE, MARCH 7, 2017 BY THE MINDANAO DAILY MIRROR LEAVE A COMMENT

IN MY OPINIONKlaus Doring 

…there would be no need for tinkers! An old proverbs, which hits the nail on its head.

Life doesn’t only consists of addition, subtraction, multiplication and division. Life has ups and downs and everyone tries to survive in his own clock-shell surrounded by a dangerous  ocean. Life is stuffed with plenty of excuses, and we are sometimes unable to apologize and say a meaningful “sorry” at the right moment.

Excuses don’t know the question of age. I still have two significant examples to share:

The church was crowded. Confirmation. A woman came too late. Traffic jam. In need of help, the woman looked to the left and then to the right. It looked like a young man liked to help her. He murmured, “Show up a bit, the LOLA likes to sit down”. The situation looked problem-free at that moment. But after taking first a deep breath, the LOLA realized the young man’s comment. She was just only 38 years “young”! With uneasiness she looked at the youngster, who started smiling at her. How old could he be? 14 or 15? A very big difference already to her age. Then suddenly, the young man realized his inappropriate remark and stuttered, “Sorry Madam, please excuse me! If I would have only known…!”

Choked with emotions, I also listened the story of my former editor colleague in Germany several years ago. Her mother had expelled her from life. Only while laying on her deathbed, she  did offer a plea in extenuation because of her lifelong fault.

Excuses because one is embarrassed or with a simple alibi can be  found at every corner. Did you, my dear reader, count already, how many times you used the term “IF”?

Just to mention this example, which I noticed several times from my students. ” If I could pass my German language exam, my partner would be very proud of me!” Sure, not only he, also me, as your German language professor at the University of Southeastern Philippines, Institute of Languages, Davao City.

“If there would be a God, there wouldn’t be so much misery, poverty, and war on earth!”

Well, if that’s the way it’s got to be…? If there is no other way?

Maybe, you still remember Elton John’s song from 1976: “Sorry (in the right moments!) seems to be the hardest word…”

That depends!