The world’s productivity comes at the expense of the quality of our lives. Opportunities unimaginable in the past have now become a reality for many, thanks to technology. So many are now able to earn a living in the comfort of their pajamas. People can now afford better experiences—food, travel, fashion, and gadgets.
And yet, we are lonelier than ever. Are we aiming for the wrong target? Could we be missing the point?
In November 2023, the World Health Organization declared loneliness “a global public health concern.” Studies have linked loneliness to health risks including heart diseases, stroke, and dementia. In 2024, US surgeon general Vivek Murthy declared loneliness an epidemic in America. He described loneliness as “feeling invisible,” “that if I was gone tomorrow, no one would notice,” and “having no one to be vulnerable with.”
For many of us, loneliness may just feel like a void, or that “there’s something missing.”
Antidotes
Acknowledging it at the right time allows us to find solutions. Ignoring it comes at a steep price. Here are some ways we make our lives lonelier and the antidotes to each.
1. Lack of awareness with one’s inner world. Many of our perceived problems are symptoms of something small. So many of us do not even know how we feel. All we know is that there’s a feeling of discomfort. Our low tolerance for the slightest discomfort prevents us from even being curious. We misdiagnose it as boredom so we soothe it with distractions. Drinking, binge-watching, eating, shopping—all these could be attempts to silence what’s begging to be heard inside of us.
Antidote: Make it a habit to check in with yourself in silence. Inquire into what’s happening in your mind and body. What sensations do you feel? What thoughts are running in your head that are causing the sensations? What emotions are emerging? Awareness alone could already be healing.
2. Shallow connections. Our deepest desire is to be seen and heard. The busy-ness of our calendar doesn’t equate to depth of connection. What determines the quality of our connections is how much of ourselves we share, not the number of interactions. Our inability to go deep is what keeps things at surface level.
Antidote: Find your person. Find someone who can be there to be present with you in exploring what’s beneath the surface thoughts, anxieties, and worries. Give words to your feelings even if they defy logic. In these moments, the best company is someone who allows us to feel safe to dive into the scary internal world we’ve created for ourselves.
Sense of safety
3. Vulnerability. So many of us can’t have meaningful connections because we wear masks. We pretend to be okay even when we’re not. We mostly gaslight ourselves first, talk logic into validating our own emotions. Once we’re convinced, we convince other people of our lies, too.
Antidote: Find a way to feel a sense of safety within yourself. An image or sound in our mind that calms us is a great choice. Sometimes, it needs to be in the presence of someone you trust. Once you find this safe space, understand the torments that are happening inside. Are there fears, regrets, and hurts that are bubbling up? Just acknowledging their presence allows us to know ourselves better.
It’s a great start to have the space for vulnerability.
4. Being hyper dependent. We pride ourselves in being self-sufficient. Not needing anyone has become a goal. The ease with which we can achieve so many things has increased social isolation. This hyperpower has also given rise to the illusion that we are happy on our own. This illusion branches into thinking we are wasting other people’s time, and vice versa.
Antidote: Be part of a community. If this is something new, it may not feel good all the time, especially at the start. Familiarize yourself with giving and getting small favors. This is how networks begin. Having our presence acknowledged and our absence noticed are messages that our ewxistence matters. This is the best antidote for isolation.
5. Care for something. Somewhere along the way, we somehow got the idea that not caring is cool. Apathy and numbness are trending. With all the bad news going around, it makes sense to want to shield ourselves from the everyday trauma of reality. Taking the indifference to an extreme is bound to impact our own life experience.
Antidote: Choose an advocacy that resonates with you. Become an active or silent contributor of a positive vision. Allow yourself to feel pain for something you feel strongly about. This opens the passion to make a difference the opposite cause.
Loneliness and connections are two ways to go about life. The choice is ours, and ours alone. That choice determines the quality of our lives. Choose wisely.
