BY GODDES HOPE O. LIBIRAN
GUEST COLUMNIST
In the Philippines, love is often seen as an all-consuming, all-sacrificing force—a value woven tightly into our c
While the spirit of generosity behind these traits is beautiful, they can sometimes be distorted. When love requires the erasure of self, patience becomes permission for neglect, and endurance becomes a badge of honor for suffering, it ceases to be love and instead becomes martyrdom.
We must not overlook the latter half of the second great commandment: "as you love yourself."
Self-love is not a betrayal of our Filipino values or Christian faith—it is, in fact, their true fulfillment. We cannot pour from an empty cup. A heart that loves wisely, including itself, is a heart that gives more abundantly, more sustainably.
Studies have shown that mental health challenges among Filipino women are often linked to emotional strain within personal relationships, especially when coupled with psychological and economic burdens. For example, a population-based study published in BMC Public Health found that Filipino women who experience psychological or economic abuse report significantly higher levels of psychological distress and suicidal ideation.
In other words, women are often weighed down by the silent burdens they carry, emotional labor, and the unseen sacrifices and endurance. When love demands women’s suffering instead of supporting their growth, it becomes a chain, not a refuge. Love is not meant to strip you bare.
It is a radical act of courage to say that "I deserve a love that nourishes me, not drains me." Do not mistake surviving from loving. It is self-respect to prioritize yourself, especially in a world that so often romanticizes women's self-sacrifice.
There’s an essential truth often overshadowed by the ideal of undying love: some relationships serve as lessons rather than lifelong commitments, akin to the changing seasons that bring both beauty and decay. They are transformative experiences meant to teach us about ourselves and our limits. It is important to recognize that a heart is not an inexhaustible resource to be mined, nor is patience a metric of one’s value.
There is a love that waits for you—one that does not ask you to shrink or shatter, but to stand. One where you are seen without translation. One where you bloom without apology.
It's time we normalize a healthier kind of love where setting boundaries is not selfishness, but wisdom; staying is a choice, not an obligation; and women are celebrated not just for how much they can endure, but for how bravely they can protect their joy, dignity, and dreams.
It’s true, love is often pictured as a sanctuary, a place where our souls are nourished, our laughter rings out without fear, and even our sorrows find tender hands to cradle them. We envision it as a boundless field where the sun never sets and wildflowers bloom in endless celebration. And indeed, it can be, when we allow love to flourish in its truest, most nurturing form.
Perhaps, it’s long overdue to choose yourself. The garden you forgot to tend is calling you home.
There is Hope!
