What do foreign men often misunderstand about dating a Filipina?

 

Filipino Relationship and Dating

 

Answered by 

Ronna Lou

 

(Yes, that’s a photo of me. I believe it’s a good proof that I’m a Filipina with the right to talk about these things.)

Ok so before I answer, I will say that most of these misunderstandings are not because I think foreign men think badly of Filipinos or women in the Philippines. I don’t. I’m married to an American man, of course I don’t think that. But sadly, because of negative stereotypes, there are always gonna be things that foreigners will assume about Filipinos, so it’s the same when a foreign man starts dating a Filipina.

One very common misunderstanding is how poor and uneducated Filipinos are. Because this means that if a foreign man is dating a Filipina, the woman can’t really communicate with him and only wants him for money.

I am actually very tired of this stereotype.

No, dating Filipinas doesn’t always mean she’s illiterate or a gold digger. In the Philippines, we take education very seriously. Yes, many of us experience poverty, but we work hard to have good lives without chasing foreigners for their money. And we speak good English. Even Filipinos who struggle financially can communicate with foreigners just fine.

Another misunderstanding is how Filipinas are always nagging and jealous. Again, this isn’t true. Many Filipinas are shy and quiet. A Filipina dating a foreign man won’t be picking fights with other women or pestering him about little things. We know how common decency works, okay?

Sometimes, the misunderstanding is opposite. Some foreign men believe that Filipinas are traditional and very conservative, the kind of woman who is always wearing long skirts and hiding her face with a handkerchief.

But many Filipinas are pretty modern, with modern views and practices. We’re not socially isolated or clueless about how other countries work. In fact, since we’re always on social media, many of us even have a “Westernized” sense of humor.

What’s traditional about us is more on our values and priorities. We’re still religious and family-centric. We still want to take care of our loved ones.

There’s really no problem connecting with us or getting to know us when you’re a foreigner dating a Filipina. Just please don’t believe every bad thing you hear and keep an open mind always so there are no misunderstandings.

Thank you!

 

Filipino Relationship and Dating

 · 

Following

Answered by 

Ronna Lou

 

Ok so this is very broad, which is why I will just focus on Filipino culture and values surrounding dating and relationships.

• I think Filipinos are an interesting mix of modern and traditional when it comes to relationships. We adapted modern values and ways of meeting and dating people (we follow a lot of Western culture, so many of us use apps and social media to connect), but we still retained a lot of “old school” things, especially about family and religion.
• We have a very strong sense of responsibility and care, and it shows in our relationships. We look after our family and loved ones, and we also try to find someone who will take care of us.
• Even though women in the Philippines usually stay at home to take care of the children, they have a specific kind of authority from being the “light” of the family. The husbands and fathers provide, but the wives and mothers do a lot of coordinating and guiding. It’s a partnership that works for most.
• Our sense of humor, especially when it comes to romance and dating, is unique. We have jokes about being sentimental or hopeless romantics, but Filipinos also have big hearts and I believe we are some of the best lovers in the world.

Feel free to add if you’re also a Filipino or you’ve dated/married a Filipino!

If, in traditional Filipino courtship, a woman is supposed to say no to a man approaching her even if she likes him, then how can you make the difference between that and a real no?

 

Ronna Lou

 

 

Filipina Writer and Matchmaking Consultant at Philippine-Women.Com

Hahaha the pakipot strikes again!

By the way, pakipot means playing hard to get in Filipino. Like how the question describes it, it’s when a Filipina acts like she’s not interested or says no to a man trying to court her even if she really likes him back. And I get it, this can be very frustrating.

I think I already talked about this before here on Quora. Remember, traditional Filipino courtship or panliligaw is focused on making sure the man courting the Filipina is sincere and determined. Playing hard to get is one way of “testing” how patient and committed the guy is.

You can read more about this practice here

[1]

 and here

[2]

.

Just to be clear, a Filipina is not “supposed” to do this. It’s just a common practice because it’s the usual way of checking if a guy is really sincere or not. It can be very frustrating sometimes because when you look at it, there’s some manipulation going on and it’s unfair to the men.

But some men also like the chase, and I think a big part of it is knowing that the woman likes you back even if she’s playing pakipot.

So how do you know that a Filipina actually likes you if she’s playing hard to get?

Well a big sign is how much attention she’s giving you. If a Filipina really doesn’t like you, she probably won’t spend a lot of time entertaining you. She’d rather spend more time with the man she actually likes. But if she’s always being maldita or enjoying all the attention you’re giving her, then it’s probably because she likes being chased by you.

Another sign is if she actively offers you opportunities to prove your feelings. A Filipina who isn’t interested will usually just stop you. But if she’s secretly interested, she will tell you what you can do to prove yourself. Maybe she’ll tell you to get this type of flower instead or challenge you to talk to her scary father. She doesn’t want you to get her sweet yes so easily, but she will tell you how to do it.

You can also just look at her body language. She will probably roll her eyes and pout, but you can see that she’s smiling and sometimes even laughing at your flirty jokes. She might even flirt back but pretend she’s just being strict.

Again, this is an old tradition that some Filipinas don’t really practice, but it can also be a fun way of getting to know each other. Just make sure you know your limits, and that she’s not actually taking advantage of you. If you do this song–and-dance properly, it can be very fulfilling when she finally admits her feelings for you.

Footnotes

[1] https://islandladies.medium.com/why-are-filipina-women-playing-hard-to-get-2a373caec37c

[2] https://www.discoverphilippines.org/p/from-torpe-to-pamamanhikan-the-unique

Why is Filipino music always love songs?

 

Ronna Lou

 

 · 

Following

Filipina Writer and Matchmaking Consultant at Philippine-Women.ComAug 10

Actually you know what? It kind of is! When you look at OPM or Original Pilipino Music, there are many love songs, and you can’t have a karaoke without someone singing an Aegis song about heartbreak and a Regine Velasquez or an OPM band song about yearning.

It’s probably because we Filipinos are big romantics. Even in our movies and TV shows, we love watching love teams and hoping the actor and actress are also dating in real life hahah!

To be fair, we also have music that isn’t about love, at least not romantic love.

We have Freddie Aguilar’s music that’s usually about family and Philippine pride.

We have rock and rap songs by icons like Bamboo, Gloc-9, and the late Francis M. that are about politics and social issues.

We also have a lot of folk songs about simple Filipino life, nature, and local traditions.

Filipinos joke all the time about being “senti” (sentimental) or “maoy” (Bisaya word that means extra emotional or heartbroken) so it’s not surprising that our music reflects that.

But if you think about it, anything can be about love. So any song can be a love song if you try, and it looks like we Filipinos try all the time!

If, in traditional Filipino courtship, a woman is supposed to say no to a man approaching her even if she likes him, then how can you make the difference between that and a real no?

 

Filipino Relationship and Dating

 · 

Answered by 

Ronna Lou

 

Mon

Hahaha the pakipot strikes again!

By the way, pakipot means playing hard to get in Filipino. Like how the question describes it, it’s when a Filipina acts like she’s not interested or says no to a man trying to court her even if she really likes him back. And I get it, this can be very frustrating.

I think I already talked about this before here on Quora. Remember, traditional Filipino courtship or panliligaw is focused on making sure the man courting the Filipina is sincere and determined. Playing hard to get is one way of “testing” how patient and committed the guy is.

You can read more about this practice here

[1]

 and here

[2]

.

Just to be clear, a Filipina is not “supposed” to do this. It’s just a common practice because it’s the usual way of checking if a guy is really sincere or not. It can be very frustrating sometimes because when you look at it, there’s some manipulation going on and it’s unfair to the men.

But some men also like the chase, and I think a big part of it is knowing that the woman likes you back even if she’s playing pakipot.

So how do you know that a Filipina actually likes you if she’s playing hard to get?

Well a big sign is how much attention she’s giving you. If a Filipina really doesn’t like you, she probably won’t spend a lot of time entertaining you. She’d rather spend more time with the man she actually likes. But if she’s always being maldita or enjoying all the attention you’re giving her, then it’s probably because she likes being chased by you.

Another sign is if she actively offers you opportunities to prove your feelings. A Filipina who isn’t interested will usually just stop you. But if she’s secretly interested, she will tell you what you can do to prove yourself. Maybe she’ll tell you to get this type of flower instead or challenge you to talk to her scary father. She doesn’t want you to get her sweet yes so easily, but she will tell you how to do it.

You can also just look at her body language. She will probably roll her eyes and pout, but you can see that she’s smiling and sometimes even laughing at your flirty jokes. She might even flirt back but pretend she’s just being strict.

Again, this is an old tradition that some Filipinas don’t really practice, but it can also be a fun way of getting to know each other. Just make sure you know your limits, and that she’s not actually taking advantage of you. If you do this song–and-dance properly, it can be very fulfilling when she finally admits her feelings for you.

Footnotes

[1] https://islandladies.medium.com/why-are-filipina-women-playing-hard-to-get-2a373caec37c

[2] https://www.discoverphilippines.org/p/from-torpe-to-pamamanhikan-the-unique

Is it safe for foreigners to travel through all parts of The Philippines? What are some places that tourists should avoid and why?

 

Ronna Lou

 

 · 

Filipina Writer and Matchmaking Consultant at Philippine-Women.Com

It’s not even safe for Filipinos to travel through all parts of the Philippines hahah!

But that’s usually the case in ANY place and not just because the Philippines is some scary crime-ridden country. We’re not even at war, so that’s an advantage.

Ok let’s look at the basics. Tourists find the Philippines a great travel destination because it’s quite inexpensive, there’s a lot of beautiful tourist spots, and a lot of people speak English (not to mention Filipinos are just nice to foreigners).

But like any country (especially developing countries), there’s still crime and other risks. In urban areas, you have pickpockets and other petty thieves. You can also fall for scams if you’re not careful. But again, that can also happen in places like London or Paris.

In rural areas, you’re also at risk of getting lost since most tourist spots are far from each other. If you’re the type to believe in folklore, you can also be at risk of malevolent spirits or “engkanto” (fairies) in jungles and forests. That kind of thing.

And of course there’s the occasional civil unrest in some areas, like Mindanao.

But it’s generally safe to visit the Philippines. The U.S. Department of State puts it under a Level 2 Travel Advisory

[1]

 which is the same as France, Spain, and UK.

So if you’re in the city, avoid informal settler areas. If you’re in the province, stick to popular tourist spots where there are guards and police nearby. If you’re adventurous, just make sure you have a reliable local to serve as your tour guide.

Footnotes

[1] https://travel.state.gov/content/travel/en/traveladvisories/traveladvisories/philippines-travel-advisory.html