SOCIAL ANXIETY

Social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem according to innumerable survey results worldwide. The magnificent, gorgeous, and excellent isolation, resulting from being nervous when meeting people is really the opposite. The state of being isolated reminds me of being in a hospital with an infectious disease. Especially nowadays in times of Covid-19 ... .

Does the project of giving a speech or going to a social gathering give you the willies?

Relax, there are always ways and solutions to help you by teaching you "never to be nervous again".

I have always been the most silent pupil in elementary and high school. I was ashamed even to talk to or with my teachers. Several not really satisfactory (?) school records have been the result. But, I wanted to become a journalist. I am still one. And, I taught at a state university for more than 12 years.

During college times and while writing the first articles I learned from my first boss, a daily news publisher, to avoid being nervous while meeting people. I was always prepared. Preparation for any communicating situation is a must. I have been invited to many parties and gatherings. I always asked for the guest list. I scanned all newspapers and browsed them on the net.

"In your opinion, who..." or "What do you think of....?" kept the momentum going. That was sometime during the 1960s. Since that time, I was just very lucky to always meet the right people at the right time and place, which kept on teaching me how to avoid splendid isolation. Whether you're delivering a speech, approaching your boss, or joining an important social occasion, do at first your homework.

The most polished, smoothly delivered and spontaneous soundings talks are the result of many hours of work and years-long experiences. The memorable one-liners and moving phrases that went down in history didn't come from the last-minute bursts of inspiration.

I also learned from Harvard University historian Richard Marius, "that good writing is a kind of wrestling with the thought". Or, as New York Times columnist William Safire expressed before: "To communicate, put your thoughts in order, give them a purpose, use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce!"

Let's don't forget, that every one of us has something to be proud of and that everyone enjoys talking about it. But, you have to make it happen!

HOW BEING ISOLATED HAVE ALTERED US

Did our personalities are shaped by our experiences and social interactions? Being isolated from friends, family, and colleagues is indeed strong tobacco for all of us.


There wasn’t just one lock-down – we all had our own experience. Some people - including me and my family - were forced into months of unbroken solitude, others trapped for weeks on end with an estranged spouse. Some saw it as a positive experience – a welcome opportunity to slow down, go for walks and relax with a loving partner, or enjoy quality time with the children.



Whichever way the lock-down played out, there has been one near-universal aspect to the past months – it abruptly disrupted our daily routines and living arrangements in ways that would not normally occur. Nothing new. And we don't know how long this will last.



The Senior editor at Aeon+Psyche Christian Jarrett asks interesting questions: Will this strange time have left its mark on us, not just superficially, but deep down? As we venture out tentatively, do we do so with our personalities somehow altered? And if so, how will our new selves cope as we begin to mix and travel once again?



I strongly agree with his answers. For much of psychology’s history, personality – the set of enduring habits of behavior, emotion, and thought that form each person’s unique identity – was considered set in stone, at least beyond early adulthood. Research over the last few decades, however, has led to a consensus that, while personality traits are relatively stable, they are not completely fixed. Instead, they continue to evolve through life and in response to major life events.



In other words, from a theoretical perspective, there is every possibility that at least some of us will have been left changed by the lock-down.



Honestly, I have problems getting along without the usual daily face-to-face contact with friends, family, and colleagues. Anecdotal evidence seems to suggest the same. Although conscious that I’ve been more fortunate than many in my experience of the pandemic so far, I also know that I’ve been feeling less stressed due to less rushing around, but also more withdrawn and introverted. Friends of mine (also not too adversely affected) agree they feel different – more reflective, perhaps, but also less sociable. In one of my previous write-ups at this corner, I praised my status at the home office. Maybe you still remember it?



The many months of changes to our routines may have led to changes in our behavior that will stick long after the pandemic has finished. It “may lead to new norms, which may over time also shape our personalities,” says Wiebke Bleidorn at the Personality Change Laboratory at the University of California, Davis. I am sure, she is so very true.

SPLENDID ISOLATION

My column in Mindanao Daily and BusinessWeek Mindanao
Social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem according to innumerable survey results worldwide. The magnificent, gorgeous and excellent isolation, resulting out of being nervous when meeting people is really the opposite. The state of being isolated, reminds me of being in a hospital with an infectious disease. Especially nowadays while experiencing the Coronavirus spreading all around the world.

Does the project of giving a speech or going to a social gathering give you the willies? Relax, there are always ways and solutions to help you by teaching you "never to be nervous again".

I have been always the most silent pupil in elementary and high school. I was ashamed even to talk to or with my teachers. Several terrible school records have been the result. But, I wanted to become a journalist. I am still one. And, I was  teaching 12 years at an university. I will be teaching again German language soon at Ateneo de Davao.

During college times and while writing my first articles, I learned from my first boss, a daily news publisher, to avoid being nervous while meeting people. I was always prepared. Preparation for any communicating situation is a must. I have been invited to many parties and gatherings. I always asked for the guest list. I scanned all newspapers and browsed in the net.

"In your opinion, who..." or "What do you think of....?" kept the momentum going. That was sometime during the 1960's. Since that time I was just very lucky to meet always the right people at the right time and place, which kept on teaching me how to avoid splendid isolation. Whether you're delivering a speech, approaching your boss, or joining an important social occasion, do at first your homework.

The most polished, smoothly delivered and spontaneous soundings talks are the result of many hours of work and years long experiences. The memorable one-liners and moving phrases that went down in history didn't come from the last minute bursts of inspiration.

I also learned from Harvard University historian Richard Marius, "that good writing is a kind of wresting with thought". Or, as New York Times columnist William Safire expressed before: "To communicate, put your thoughts in order, give them a purpose, use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce!"

Let's don't forget, that everyone of us has something to be proud of, and that everyone enjoys talking about it. But, you have to make it happen!

Splendid Isolation

My column in BusinessWeek Mindanao, Mindanao Daily and Cagayan de Oro Times

Social anxiety is the single most common psychological problem according to innumerable survey results worldwide. The magnificent, gorgeous and excellent isolation, resulting out of being nervous when meeting people is really the opposite. The state of being isolated reminds me of being in a hospital with an infectious disease.

Does the project of giving a speech or going to a social gathering give you the willies?

Relax, there are always ways and solutions to help you by teaching you "never to be nervous again". 

During the last weeks, I experienced several situations meeting new people, asking questions, replying to questions delivering speeches. 

I have been always the most silent pupil in elementary and high school. I was ashamed even to talk to or with my teachers. Several terrible school records have been the result. But, I wanted to become a journalist. I am still one. And, I am teaching in Davao in the University of Southeastern Philippines, as some of you might know already. 

During college times and while writing my first articles, I learned from my first boss, a daily news publisher, to avoid being nervous while meeting people. I was always prepared. Preparation for any communicating situation is a must. I have been invited to many parties and gatherings. I always asked for the guest list. I scanned all newspapers and browsed in the net. 

"In your opinion, who..." or "What do you think of....?" kept the momentum going. That was sometime during the 1960s. Since that time I was just very lucky to meet always the right people at the right time and place, which kept on teaching me how to avoid splendid isolation. Whether you're delivering a speech, approaching your boss, or joining an important social occasion, do at first your homework.

The most polished, smoothly delivered and spontaneous soundings talks are the result of many hours of work and years long experiences. The memorable one-liners and moving phrases that went down in history didn't come from the last minute bursts of inspiration.

I also learned from Harvard University historian Richard Marius, "that good writing is a kind of wresting with thought". Or, as New York Times columnist William Safire expressed before: "To communicate, put your thoughts in order, give them a purpose, use them to persuade, to instruct, to discover, to seduce!"

Let's don't forget, that everyone of us has something to be proud of, and that everyone enjoys talking about it. But, you have to make it happen!