Should I share my money?

 

Posted by 

Ronna Lou

 

My husband and I earn almost the same, he is asking me to share the finances, isn't it the husband's duty to provide? Should I share my money?

No, not if we’re talking about a two wage earner household. I’m 55 (almost 56) and I’ve been married twice.

In my first marriage, my wife did whatever she wanted. She spent money freely and racked up huge amounts of credit card debt. I felt betrayed by her not willing to compromise or live well within our means. It was a one-sided relationship. Because I felt like an unequal partner, I treated her differently. I loved her but there was no spark, romance, or interest really. That led to her also being dissatisfied. She eventually met another man that swept her off her feet. The end result, she divorced me, moved to his home state of New Jersey, and left our two teenagers for me to continue raising (not that I would’ve been okay with them moving away from family and friends in their birth city regardless).

I eventually remarried. My wife and combined everything and we have monthly budget meetings. We have a joint checking account where are salaries are direct deposited, savings, CDs, and even joint brokerage accounts. We share the financial burden of operating our household as well as the joy of preparing for eventual retirement and everything in between.

It hasn’t been easy. In fact, the first 10 years of our marriage had quite a few challenges: blended family and in-laws being the biggest but of course money has been up there (how to spend it, where, and how much is okay or not). I’ll say in the last 1–2 years, our relationship has dramatically improved. We decided to be 100% open, transparent, and willing to accommodate our partner’s requests- listen and do our best to come to a compromise. Even if the other person doesn’t really “feel it”. We’ve both had to temper ourselves, our responses, and learn to be better spouses.

So. To answer your second question - should you share your money? If you look at it as yours and not “ours”, then I’d say that’s the first mental challenge you need to overcome. Some things are meant to be shared equally. I think that includes money and certainly time (chores, household responsibilities, etc).

What should foreign guys know before dating in the Philippines?

Ronna Lou

Matchmaker, Dating Advisor, and Wannabe Writer

Dating in the Philippines can take foreign men by surprise with how “familiar” it can feel. A lot of our dating practices can be very modern and “Westernized.”

For example:

A lot of Filipinas are on dating apps.

Modern Filipinas are no strangers to casual relationships.

Physical intimacy isn’t always tied to emotions.

Some Filipinas will demand to be treated the way they believe Western women are being treated (but this one can be unclear, since not everyone is on the same page about what kind of treatment this refers to).

Despite all these similarities, there are still things that are specific to dating in the Philippines.

If you’re a foreign man dating a Filipina, you need to be prepared for some of these things:

Family members and even distant relatives will usually comment or give unsolicited advice about your relationship.

Some Filipinas will expect that because you’re dating them, it means you will marry them someday (which is why communication really IS key).

Being a man and a foreigner will also give you the reputation of being a generous lover (which can translate to you being expected to pay for everything).

A lot of Filipinas really WILL save physical intimacy for marriage (yes, even kissing).

Going out in public places with your Filipina girlfriend will usually get you stared at.

Dating in the Philippines isn’t always “rustic” or all about going to the beach. We have a lot of modern dating spots and fancy restaurants. In fact, our shopping malls are considered small palaces with a lot of high-end amenities for couples to enjoy.

Yes, there are romance scammers in the Philippines. You need to be careful about who you meet and how you meet them. There is risk in both online dating and in-person connections, so you have to do your research.

What's the hardest truth of life?

 

Anjali Kriplani

 · 

Your mind is your instrument, it's time for you to tune it.

1. You are replaceable. Period.

2. You are nothing to anyone. To everyone. (Repeat to yourself thrice a day)

3. If somebody doesn't reply you, never ever disturb them again. Forced relationships and friendships never work.

4. They say, "Never give explanation for loving someone, being over sensitive and your weirdness", and I say "don't ever give explanation for anything to anyone. Full stop.”

5. Never ever try to change people. No one's going to change for you, write this sentence on your fortitude.

6. If you have got a chance to choose between your self - respect and your close one, choose former one. I repeat choose self - respect, because the person who has brought you on this path is not close to you. That's it.

7. One sided love is going to destroy you.

8. Repetition is poison.

9. Never reveal yourself completely to anyone because 90% of people play with your weakness.

10. People are going to judge you anyhow, no matter how many times they say they love your imperfections.

How do you pronounce the German word 'ich'?

 

Brian Collins

 · 

My proficiency bounces between fluent and conversational.

They are a combination of regional variation, and foreign accent, depending on the context.

When in the context of native speakers, what you are referring to is the Ich-Laut

Many Germans in regions which historically spoke Low German languages, such as Berlin, pronounce ich [ɪk]

Germans from regions which historically spoke Ripuarian-Germanic languages, or Germans who still speak a Ripuarian-Germanic language (such as Kölsch) as their first language, pronounce ich [ɪɕ], [iɕ] or [iʃ] [ɪʃ]. The vowel can change a bit.

Native High German speakers, from regions that have spoken High German for hundreds of years, and speakers who want to emulate them pronounce it [ɪç]. [ç] is sort of like the palatalized English h-sound in the word "hue", but at the end of a word.

From experience, many German speakers in Berlin will say it [ɪk] but mich [mɪç] because saying "Mick" is very stigmatized and sounds, as one German speaker put it, like "Mickey Mouse".

Native English speakers tend to pronounce those words like [ɪk] or [ɪʃ].

Rules of life

1. Be Direct:

People love boldness. You will be respected when you become a straight talker.

Example:

If you can’t provide a favour, say no instead of trying to please them.

2. Love yourself:

If you don’t like yourself, no one else will. You must change what you don’t like about yourself and accept what you can’t change.

Example:

You can change your weight, but you can only accept your background.

3. Enjoy solitude:

You don’t always need to be around people. People will want to be with you when you are happy by yourself.

4. Admit your mistakes:

Swallow your pride and always accept your mistake. Deflecting blame is always seen as a weakness.

5. Listen more:

When you listen more instead of talking, people feel special. In return, they will make you feel special.

Example:

If let someone vent by being a good listener, they will return the favour.

6. Reveal some insecurities:

When you share a few uncomfortable truths about yourself, people will feel comfortable and reciprocate.

Example:

When talking to someone new, share the truth about your nervousness.

Why are Filipino women so beautiful and desirable?

 

Ronna Lou

 

 · 

Following

Matchmaker, Dating Advisor, and Wannabe Writer

As a Filipina, it’s always nice to read about people from other countries appreciating beautiful Filipino women.

I can’t speak for all the men who find Filipinas attractive, but I’d like to believe that it’s because of how our physical characteristics blend with our personality traits.

Most Filipinas are morena or have a dark brown complexion. For a lot of guys, this is highly appealing. We also tend to keep our hair long and well-maintained, and because we’re used to doing household chores and keeping ourselves busy with taking care of our families, we’re also often in good shape.

As for personality traits, Filipinas are usually modest and dainty. Since traditional gender roles are still common in Filipino culture, the women in the country are also more feminine.

Despite all that, it’s not always obvious to us Filipinas that we are considered beautiful or desirable. This is mostly because conventional beauty standards are based on Western features, like blonde hair, pale skin, and high-bridged nose—features that are distinctly non-Filipino.

So it’s nice to read things like this. You may not be talking about me specifically, but you have my gratitude all the same.

Let me end my answer by sharing photos of more beautiful Filipino women:

What would English look like if it followed the grammar of German?

 

Andrew Campbell

 · 

Follow

Bibliovorous7y

Shakespeare.

When I took German in college, I found that I could suddenly understand Shakespeare.

What light breaks through yonder window?

What light through yonder window breaks?

The hard thing about a lot of Shakespearean grammar is that you search desperately for the verb — just wait, it’s coming. At the end. From Germany.

Shakespearean Middle English is a mix of mostly French and Germanic words, but mostly Germanic grammar.

What isn't the best way to live?

 

Chris

 · 

Writer at Medium The Company (2021–present)

• Working a 9–5 that is sucking your soul dry while providing for a family you can’t stand.
• Getting married because it’s what “society” and family does.
• Having a kid, when you have no idea what self respect, self love and self worth are, all while believing you can raise a healthy minded child with a fighting chance. Leave a kid out of your life until you fix your shit.
• Staying married/committed out of fear. You’d be surprised what you’re capable of when you break free.
• Surrounding yourself with a bunch of “friends.” Many have acquaintances, not friends. Don’t confuse the two. Friends are rare, acquaintances are every where.
• Serial dating making good hearted people believe you love them because you are too fucked up yourself to take care of your shit before the manipulation begins.
• Accumulating “material” things. While there is nothing wrong with it, many try to keep up with the “Jones’s” next door, or trying to fill a hole the sized of Grand Canyon in a life of no purpose. Debt will ensue.
• Following the heard. Doing what everyone else does. When someone calls you crazy, that’s a good thing in my opinion. Know the difference between actually insanity, and living a life others don’t approve of but offer unwanted advice.
• Marriage. I mean, maybe it works for some, but looking at the statistics, and friends, families and strangers, it isn’t what it’s cracked up to be.
• Not doing things that scare you. When you fear something that is something new, and has uncertainty is what you need to do. In fear change happens, and in uncertainty is where trust begins, with yourself.
• Believing words and the “social” media life. Shallowness, and superficiality runs rampant in this world of chaos. Watch actions, ignore words. Unless the action is running side by side with a moving mouth.
• Thinking age is holding you back. I’m 50 freaking years old living out of my car, not by necessity, but by choice. Will it work? Will I find what I’m looking for within myself? Who the fuck knows. But what I do know is what I was doing, wasn’t working.