What are some things you should never do in Germany as a tourist?

 

Thomas L. Johnson

Former Top Writer (2015-18) & Top Question Writer (2016-18)

I sometimes feel like I have answered this question 100 times, but maybe that is because I have discovered so many ways of screwing up as a tourist in Germany.

• If you are one of those jerks who typically hogs the left lane to force faster cars to pass you on the right, don’t. No left lane lollygagging in Germany.
• If you are one of those people who think it is the height of manners to hide your left hand on your lap when you eat, don’t. Two fisted eating is the norm in Germany. Switching fork and knife from hand to hand as you cut meat or veggies is something that will get you looks.
• If you have been paying attention at all, you know that you will be shamed and even fined if you put your shod feet up on a train seat or other piece of furniture. You also know that crossing on anything but a green light outside of certain neighborhoods of Berlin is considered akin to child abuse. You are to be an example to the children.
• You should never use the hotel sauna or steam room if you will be offended when the beefy couple you saw at breakfast fully clothed is sweating away fully unclothed. Just don‘t stare.
• You should never order a bottomless cup of coffee or expect a glass of free ice water with your meal. You should order your beer or bottled water and just enjoy the privilege of keeping the restaurant from going bankrupt.
• You should not think the waitstaff is rude if they do not come by every ten minutes to ask if everything is okay. When you want to pay, you need to make eye contact and tell that person you want to pay. And be prepared to pay with cash.
• Finally, as a tourist, you should relax and enjoy the best Germany has to offer. No country puts more effort into being more tourist friendly. Even the small towns will have a competent tourist office.

How long did it take you to learn to speak German?

Thomas L. Johnson

Former Top Writer (2015-18) & Top Question Writer (2016-18)

12,544 followers

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Decades.

I thought I was speaking German after spending months in a Goethe Institute. Then a little kid told me that one learns German “with great effort.” He used the word Muehe (with an umlaut). = Mühe

I thought I had learned German when I studied Germanistik at a German University. Then I had to deliver a paper to the entire Seminar and realized that they were hearing an American trying to speak German.

I thought I had arrived when I did a book presentation of my second book published in Germany. Then a guy wanted me to do a radio interview and I performed at the level of a beginner.

Exactly fifty years after I took my first German class, I am not sure I actually speak German. I have friends with whom I have only spoken German and I have spent a sabbatical in Berlin and dealt with German Publishers. I am still waiting for the jury to say that I actually speak German.

Now I am an old guy and Germans generally understand me when I speak. So I guess the answer is fifty years. It takes about fifty years to learn to speak German.

And it is worth the effort.