Keeping up with the Joneses” is a popular expression that refers to the pressure to be at par with your neighbor’s wealth and social status. While the origins of the phrase are not certain, one common explanation is that the Joneses were one of the first families from New York who built grand mansions in the Hudson Valley, which spurred other wealthy families to build even grander mansions to show they were of equal or greater status as the Jones family.

The phrase has evolved into a human experience that not just impacts the “ultra-rich” but a burden felt across socioeconomic levels. The social comparison theory asserts that people tend to measure their self-worth based on how they perceive their status relative to others. People are acutely aware of how their appearance and lifestyle are constantly judged by peers, which compels them to present themselves in a way that will enable them to either meet or exceed perceived social expectations.

In the Philippines, this phenomenon is exacerbated during Christmas season—a four-month affair filled with various social obligations and endless rounds of gift-giving (your gifts for everyone plus your exchange gift). These customs serve as a high-stakes arena for showcasing success and prosperity—or, at least, the illusion of it, and different socioeconomic groups experience this pressure in distinct ways.

For lower-income families, the festivities often come at a steep financial and emotional cost. Individuals often grapple with the challenge of wanting to provide a memorable holiday for their families while facing the reality of their financial limitation. This pressure is particularly heightened in urban poor settings where the increased exposure to trending consumer goods combined with the proximity of homes make it easier for neighbors to compare celebrations. Research into local consumer spending habits indicate that in order to avoid holiday-related shame or embarrassment, many families from lower-income household often choose to borrow money from loan sharks despite usurious interest rates (usually 50 percent a month), pushing them further in the cycle of debt and poverty.

While middle-income individuals generally have more resources during this time due to 13th month pay and other bonuses, some feel pressured to resort to social signaling—spending on gifts or experiences that project a higher social status than they can afford. This demographic is also more likely to engage in social comparisons through social media, where curated images of lavish celebrations and experiences can lead to feelings of inadequacy and anxiety about not measuring up. Studies show that middle-income households in Southeast Asia allocate a significant portion of their disposable income to holiday-related expenses, even if it means deferring other financial goals, with many falling into credit card debt to fund their spending.

Remittances during the Christmas season tend to spike significantly, a trend often celebrated for its contribution to the country’s GDP. However, it is important to consider how much of this increase stems from social pressure that many overseas Filipino workers (OFWs) face to fund extravagant celebrations back home. While the spirit of the season emphasizes generosity and “giving back,” it becomes problematic when OFWs are obliged by others to send more money than they can comfortably afford for luxuries that they cannot even enjoy or physically partake in.

For higher-income individuals, the pressure may revolve around maintaining an image of success and happiness. While they may not face the same financial constraints, there is still a strong emphasis on presenting an idealized version of their lives. Apart from the pressure to host the perfect gathering or match the extravagant gifts from their peers, this could also include the pressure of having an impressive year-end “report card” of personal and professional achievements.

Experts argue that while comparison is an innate human tendency, we have the power to control and redefine the metrics we use. In Yale University’s famous Science of Well-Being course, students are taught how to “reset one’s reference points.” Rather than dwelling on what we lack and comparing ourselves to more successful peers, psychology professor Laurie Santos encourages us to focus on perspectives that inspire gratitude. This could mean revisiting old moments in life where we had less and celebrating the growth we have experienced through the years, or imagining what it’s like to lose the “small blessings” that we have but may have grown accustomed to and do not appreciate as much.

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Despite all the stress and anxiety it brings, many Filipinos find solace in the spiritual and communal aspects of Christmas. The shared experiences of caroling, attending Simbang Gabi, and reconnecting with family and friends create a sense of belonging. The Joneses may have set the bar high for material success, but nobody says we have to chase it. Perhaps the best way for us to have the “perfect Christmas” is to set our own standards, and hopefully, one that values faith and substance over frivolity. This kind of perspective is one we can carry long past the holidays, into a society that desperately needs less comparison and more connection.

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eleanor@shetalksasia.com