People communicate in so many different ways. Words are one way. We can say things or write them down. If we are not that close with someone, we have to be clear and direct about what we want. But we still want to be polite, so we will say “please” or “po.” For example: “Makikiraan po!” “Paki-pasa po ng tubig.” “Pabili po ng tatlong kendi.”
A lot of miscommunication happens when expectations do not match or when communication is not as clear as we want it to be. This is why we have “mixed signals” with other people. They say one thing, but they do another. For example: “Sabi niya mahal niya ako, pero bakit may kausap siyang iba?”
There are also things that we say can “remain unsaid.” Of course, we cannot read minds as they do in the movies, but we can “feel” what other people need. This is the dynamic of pakikiramdam. In our culture, a lot of things are “hindi na kailangang sabihin.”
So, now we see that there is another kind of communication: a communication that does not involve words. It is more about reading behaviors and being sensitive to the moods of others.
Filipino forms of communication
In Filipino culture, communication is not just verbal. As writer and social anthropologist Melba Maggay points out, there are multiple forms of Filipino social communication, each showing various degrees of care and self-expression.
The most indirect form of communication is pahiwatig, which is used to express a hidden desire. This is usually only applicable when people are close enough to be aware of each other’s needs. Tampo is a kind of pahiwatig. For example: “Uy, ang sarap ng kinakain mo ah…” or “Aba, ang ganda ng damit na ito. At saka malapit na birthday ko…”
Pasabi involves an intermediary who can act as a neutral ground for people separated by distance or interpersonal conflict. A parent might also leave advice (bilin) for their child through another relative. For example: “Pakisabi naman sa kapatid mo na miss na miss ko na siya at sana naman magparamdam na siya” or “Alam kong galit siya sa iyo, kaya ako na magsasabi sa kaniya at baka mag-away na naman kayo.”
The direct expression of one’s true feelings is pagtapat, which is the revelation of a truth—usually prefaced with “Sa totoo lang…” (In truth…). The word “tapat” refers to something in front of you, but it also means “honest.” A secret admirer admits their love, or a guilty person admits their crime. “May ipagtatapat sana ako…”
And the most open form of communication is pangangalandakan, which is to spread information without care, like scattering trash (pagkalat). A frequent topic of conversation is “bukambibig,” which literally refers to something that comes out every time a person’s mouth opens up.
Why do we communicate?
The point of communication is to convey ideas and influence perceptions, and we cannot limit that to just words, whether said or written down. There are other ways people “talk” to each other—even just through their eyes! Only a few of us still remember that powerful movie scene between Vilma Santos and Nora Aunor, as they communicated just by looking at each other.
In mind science, there is a theory that says we developed consciousness and awareness because we had to learn how to communicate with each other. Our earliest ancestors had to collaborate with fellow humans to survive harsh conditions. They had to talk to each other. They had to learn who is the “I” and “me” and who is the “you” and “we” so that we can give directions to each other and take care of each other.
It is poetic, even, to think that the reason we know who we are as individuals can be traced all the way back to our ancestors, who sought ways to connect with their kapwa in order to thrive in a chaotic world.
