True love goes beyond common sense

 

By Fr. Roy Cimagala

Chaplain

Center for Industrial Technology and Enterprise (CITE)

Talamban, Cebu City

Email: roycimagala@gmail.com

THAT’S quite obvious if we would just consider these clear words of Christ. “I say to you not to resist evil: but if one strikes you on your right cheek, turn to him also the other. And if a man will contend with you in judgment, and take away your coat, let go your cloak also to him. And whoever will force you one mile, go with him other two. Give to him that asks of you and from that would borrow from you, turn him not away.” (Mt 5, 39-42)

We should train ourselves to live by this standard because this is what true love really is. It’s not just a matter of loving the lovable. The authenticity of our love is proven when it is given even, and most especially, to the unlovable. That’s what Christ himself has shown us with his passion and death on the cross to bear and conquer all our sins. He even went to the extent to offering forgiveness to those who crucified him.

            It’s in the very essence of love to give oneself without measure, without calculation, without expecting any return. It just gives and gives, even if along the way it encounters difficulties, rejection, suffering. It embraces them, not flee from them. By its nature, it is given gratuitously. 

Love engenders generosity and its relatives: magnanimity, magnificence, compassion, patience, pity, etc. This is the language of love, the currencies it uses. It thinks big, even if the matter involved is small according to human standards. In fact, it’s love that makes small, ordinary things big and special.  

That’s in theory. In practice, though, there can be elements that put limits and conditions to that love. This can be due to a number of reasons. One, because man grows by stages, and his capacity to love also develops in stages. It goes through a development timeline, much like one’s growth timeline from childhood to adulthood and maturity.      

      Thus, philosophers have distinguished more or less like 3 kinds or stages of love: “eros,” where one loves another because of what he can get from that other person. This usually happens among children who love others mainly because of what they can get in return from others. That’s very understandable.   

Then, there’s “filia,” where one loves another because he shares the same things—interests, likes and dislikes—with that person. This is typical of young boys and girls who happen to like sharing things among themselves.      

Then, there’s the final stage of “agape,” where one loves another because they just want to, without expecting any return, and continues to love even if that love is unreciprocated, or worse, rejected. This is the love of the truly mature persons, and definitely of heroes and saints.      

This kind of love definitely would require us to learn how to be magnanimous, enlarging our heart to make it more universal to accommodate everyone and any situation and condition properly. We have to see to it that our thoughts, desires and intentions, our words and deeds are always animated by charity. There should be no negative elements in them, even if we notice the defects, mistakes and sins of others, and even if they have wronged us.

For this, we need to have a good grip on our emotions, able to dominate and properly orient our biases, preferences and other idiosyncrasies that constitute our differences and even conflicts with the others.

We have to learn to focus more on what we have in common rather than on what divides. And what we all ultimately have in common is that we are all children of God, brothers and sisters of each other, meant to care and love each other.