No, not if we’re talking about a two wage earner household. I’m 55 (almost 56) and I’ve been married twice.
In my first marriage, my wife did whatever she wanted. She spent money freely and racked up huge amounts of credit card debt. I felt betrayed by her not willing to compromise or live well within our means. It was a one-sided relationship. Because I felt like an unequal partner, I treated her differently. I loved her but there was no spark, romance, or interest really. That led to her also being dissatisfied. She eventually met another man that swept her off her feet. The end result, she divorced me, moved to his home state of New Jersey, and left our two teenagers for me to continue raising (not that I would’ve been okay with them moving away from family and friends in their birth city regardless).
I eventually remarried. My wife and combined everything and we have monthly budget meetings. We have a joint checking account where are salaries are direct deposited, savings, CDs, and even joint brokerage accounts. We share the financial burden of operating our household as well as the joy of preparing for eventual retirement and everything in between.
It hasn’t been easy. In fact, the first 10 years of our marriage had quite a few challenges: blended family and in-laws being the biggest but of course money has been up there (how to spend it, where, and how much is okay or not). I’ll say in the last 1–2 years, our relationship has dramatically improved. We decided to be 100% open, transparent, and willing to accommodate our partner’s requests- listen and do our best to come to a compromise. Even if the other person doesn’t really “feel it”. We’ve both had to temper ourselves, our responses, and learn to be better spouses.
So. To answer your second question - should you share your money? If you look at it as yours and not “ours”, then I’d say that’s the first mental challenge you need to overcome. Some things are meant to be shared equally. I think that includes money and certainly time (chores, household responsibilities, etc).
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