If, in traditional Filipino courtship, a woman is supposed to say no to a man approaching her even if she likes him, then how can you make the difference between that and a real no?

 

Filipino Relationship and Dating

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Answered by 

Ronna Lou

 

Mon

Hahaha the pakipot strikes again!

By the way, pakipot means playing hard to get in Filipino. Like how the question describes it, it’s when a Filipina acts like she’s not interested or says no to a man trying to court her even if she really likes him back. And I get it, this can be very frustrating.

I think I already talked about this before here on Quora. Remember, traditional Filipino courtship or panliligaw is focused on making sure the man courting the Filipina is sincere and determined. Playing hard to get is one way of “testing” how patient and committed the guy is.

You can read more about this practice here

[1]

 and here

[2]

.

Just to be clear, a Filipina is not “supposed” to do this. It’s just a common practice because it’s the usual way of checking if a guy is really sincere or not. It can be very frustrating sometimes because when you look at it, there’s some manipulation going on and it’s unfair to the men.

But some men also like the chase, and I think a big part of it is knowing that the woman likes you back even if she’s playing pakipot.

So how do you know that a Filipina actually likes you if she’s playing hard to get?

Well a big sign is how much attention she’s giving you. If a Filipina really doesn’t like you, she probably won’t spend a lot of time entertaining you. She’d rather spend more time with the man she actually likes. But if she’s always being maldita or enjoying all the attention you’re giving her, then it’s probably because she likes being chased by you.

Another sign is if she actively offers you opportunities to prove your feelings. A Filipina who isn’t interested will usually just stop you. But if she’s secretly interested, she will tell you what you can do to prove yourself. Maybe she’ll tell you to get this type of flower instead or challenge you to talk to her scary father. She doesn’t want you to get her sweet yes so easily, but she will tell you how to do it.

You can also just look at her body language. She will probably roll her eyes and pout, but you can see that she’s smiling and sometimes even laughing at your flirty jokes. She might even flirt back but pretend she’s just being strict.

Again, this is an old tradition that some Filipinas don’t really practice, but it can also be a fun way of getting to know each other. Just make sure you know your limits, and that she’s not actually taking advantage of you. If you do this song–and-dance properly, it can be very fulfilling when she finally admits her feelings for you.

Footnotes

[1] https://islandladies.medium.com/why-are-filipina-women-playing-hard-to-get-2a373caec37c

[2] https://www.discoverphilippines.org/p/from-torpe-to-pamamanhikan-the-unique