My column in BusinessWeek Mindanao, Mindanao Daily and Cagayan Times
OPINION
September 3, 2019
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WHAT is a perfectionist? A perfectionist is one who believes that moral perfection is attainable, or that he or she is attained in.
One of my students told me this morning, that she always wants to be 100% perfect in everything she is doing. Well, my reaction was, " Nobody is perfect!" Take the student who works hard and maybe gets a poor mark. If she tells herself: “I’m disappointed, but it’s okay; I’m still a good person overall,” that’s healthy. If the message is: “I’m a failure. I’m not good enough,” that’s perfectionism.
Many think that perfectionism is a good trait, but it researchers have found it can have a dangerous affect on mental health – and it’s on the rise.
You sit in a job interview, nervously sweating through every question thrown at you, and then comes the hardest one of all: “What is your worst quality?” Being a perfectionist is regularly thought of as a good answer – you might hope your fastidiousness will help you secure the role. But is perfectionism actually a good trait?
To be a healthy and successful human, you have to learn from your mistakes; and to be able to learn from your mistakes, you have to be comfortable with making them. But in general, perfectionists are not. They tend to avoid making mistakes by sticking to tasks they feel most comfortable with or overreacting to obstacles, feeling more guilt, shame and anger when they do make mistakes.
I told my students, that I always wanted to be perfect. When I was not, I could easily could get mad on myself. Culturally, we often see perfectionism as a positive. Even saying you have perfectionistic tendencies can come off as a coy compliment to yourself; it’s practically a stock answer to the “What’s your worst trait?” question in job interviews. (Past employers, now you know! I wasn’t just being cute).
Perfectionism nowadays, is on the rise and has been linked by to a whole host of mental health problems including depression, anxiety and self-harm. Perfectionists feel every bump in the road. They’re quite stress-sensitive. Tennis star Serena Williams, just to mention one example, is a self-described perfectionist who destroys racquets and casts blame when things go wrong – outbursts which have cost her the game.
And while conscientious people tend to live longer, perfectionists die earlier. Worth to think about it.
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