By Klaus Döring
“Listening is not the act of hearing the words spoken; it is the art of understanding the meaning behind those words.” –Simon Sinek
Speaking is a critical life skill that we’re taught from birth. In fact, effective speaking and communication skills are so highly valued in our society that there are thousands of courses on the topic as well as myriad opportunities to earn degrees in communications, all the way up to a Ph.D., with a focus on critical thinking, public speaking, media, and writing skills to prepare students for careers in influential industries such as journalism, law, public relations, speechwriting, and all forms of administration (Bouchrika, 2024; Hamilton, 2023).
Do you sometimes feel like this, my dear readers, that you want to discuss something, but the people opposite to you simply cannot listen to you? Sometimes, I would love to tell them, "first, learn to listen"!
Sherrie Bourg Carter Psy.D., High Octane Women said: "Listening is an acquired skill that requires focus, patience, and daily practice. Good listening skills can be more valuable, effective, and productive than good communication skills. Good listeners provide a safe space for speakers to fully share their message without judgment or critique".
So what about the skill of listening? Where and when is that taught? The unfortunate answer is that listening, although arguably even more critical to effective and productive interpersonal, organizational, political, and global communication, is rarely taught. Absent possibly a few therapy-related graduate courses, you’ll be hard-pressed to find courses on the topic of listening, nor is it a skill that most parents or educators encourage children to practice as they’re learning to navigate the nuances of communication and relationships. Yet, how can we expect to think critically and make the best-informed decisions if we don't really know how to listen?
Listening is indeed the key in effective communication. A person does not have to speak all the time to be the smartest person in the room. Lack of listening may result in frustration, disappointment, and resentment in our relationships. When we listen, we are able to create stronger emotional connections with people.
Many times during my teaching, I was happy when my students had one or more questions for me - so, I can listen to them first. Active listening promotes mindful thinking, which can reduce anxiety and depression in students. It can also help students build relationships because as they engage themselves in conversation, their peers are more likely to view them as open and interested.
However, every time you use active listening, it gets a little easier. It can help you to navigate through difficult conversations. More than that, it helps improve overall communication, builds a better understanding and ultimately leads to better relationships with family, friends and co-workers too.
Listening is an active process by which we make sense of, assess, and respond to what we hear. The listening process involves five stages: receiving, understanding, evaluating, remembering, and responding. Not only in school or at the workplace. But especially talking about the workplace: Listening helps managers to solicit feedback and proactively find out about problems before they escalate. It's also the only way for management to get to know people as individuals and ensure that they feel genuinely valued.
Listening and the supreme gift of wisdom belongs together. You can only become a wise person, if you know how to listen. Do you still remember the university lectures in your old student days once upon a time? Anybody can become wise, Proverbs says. Wisdom is not reserved for a brainy elite. Becoming wise requires self-discipline to study and humbly seek wisdom at every opportunity. And allow me to repeat: and, first, learn to listen.
