This is a good question…
Aside from relationships which never should have formed, I don't think couples need to overthink long-term compatibility during a first year. Beyond this point is dependent upon circumstances.
Twenty years olds with plenty of life ahead verses couples in their forties starting out with remaining hopes of becoming parents face completely different relationship timeframes. Career focuses affect young adults while extra commitments like parenting for older individuals factor into how they progress within relationships.
I've lived the in-between scenario (27-35, eight year relationship, married and one daughter) while now in a relationship with a nearly forty year old girlfriend that wants children. Being forty-three with a daughter, my intentions weren't to have more children and now I'm open to such possibility.
The journey has been perhaps a little unorthodox. We haven't met each other's people and sporadically told individuals we're in a relationship, meaning our lives have remained somewhat compartmentalised.
My general feeling regarding long-term relationships is that when you reach a second Christmas together while continuing to remain seperate (not spending it together, yet to introduce each other to family) - it may be a sign of relationship stagnation. This appears likely for us in a few months, even without my daughter's presence at Christmas...
How do I feel regarding our progress?
Beginning from three years after divorce, I've felt like years left from then until I'm about fifty-five will be most precious to experience happiness within my lifespan. Furthermore, I'm not confident about potentially having mortality longevity. This has resulted in a mindset nearing existential nihilism which values now more than unpromised future.
Being motivated for causing my girlfriend's happiness and not heavily factoring in potential eventual risks that come with any long-term relationships involving procreation and/or living together (perhaps involving marriage) - I have become willing to endeavour. Initially my suggestions were doing proper steps, like renting together, seeing how we'd go living together while combining our lifestyles. She originally wanted to instead jump in head first which I gradually became on board with doing and now most recently, her perspective has fallen somewhere between my original position and her wanting to jump in making how exactly we'll proceed currently unclear 🫠
My only real certainty is loving her, providing the happiness she deserves and potentially wishing for us to see each other more frequently (including additional sleepovers). There's no confusion in our mutual feelings, just working out how to progress within the relationship.
Her level of independence, commitment to helping parents, busy work lifestyle and dogs for company makes our routine living seperately with a few weekly visits quite manageable. But from my perspective, I'm somewhat co-dependent, live alone, not passionate regarding employment, mostly experience fulfilment through company and writing is the closest example of a passion. We have very different life experiences for our relationship. I'm somewhat lonely while she's distracted.
Needing to deeply think regarding our relationship trajectory is mostly associated with her desire to have children and secondly for my wishes to see each other more frequently (both suited for potentially living together). Otherwise we'd have no motivation for rushing anything, like in most younger people's circumstances.
Now what?…
Hopefully without ever sinking! 💞
