On setting boundaries
Why it’s important to know one’s limits when interacting with others
AT A GLANCE
- ‘Once you see the boundaries of your environment, they are no longer the boundaries of your environment.’ — Marshall McLuhan
**Illustration by OTEPH ANTIPOLO**While it can come across as harsh for others, denying them of what might sometimes seem like such a simple request, there are times a simple no becomes crucial for your well-being.
Setting boundaries has become a hot topic as of late after a viral video of singer Lea Salonga asking fans to leave after they attempted to take pictures with her in her dressing room backstage drew mixed reactions online. Some felt she owed the fans an apology and that she should’ve entertained them since without them, she would be a nobody. Others stood by the theater star, saying the fans were disrespectful of her privacy and that she was simply following safety protocols. Salonga later made her thoughts clear through a tweet, “I have boundaries. Do not cross them.”
But what exactly does having boundaries mean?
Setting boundaries entails defining and establishing limits for yourself in various aspects of life. These often encompass relationships, personal space, time, emotions, and values. For instance, in a relationship, there are some traits that most of us might find to be crucial traits to have that others could be indifferent about. Think of things such as not wanting to date smokers because you dislike smoking. Here are a few things to take note of when it comes to setting boundaries.
Be self-aware.
Understand what makes you uncomfortable and try to figure out behaviors, traits, and situations that you would find acceptable or unacceptable. As you lay these out, list them all down and think about why exactly you feel a certain way about these things. This should help in determining what your limits are and might even help you learn more about yourself along the way.
LIST IT DOWN To understand one's boundaries entails having to reflect on why certain things make you uncomfortable
Communication is vital!
To set boundaries means making such personal limits known to others and asserting them at all times. After all, how else would others know about your limitations if you haven’t disclosed such to them? With partners, be open about whatever issues you might have about your relationship moving forward and work toward a compromise. In a workplace scenario, learn to say no. Be clear to your employer about your limits to avoid being overworked.
Consistency is key.
Remember that boundaries are something you must stand by once you’ve established them. Don’t allow peer pressure or intimidation tactics to let you cave in. You’ve set these limitations for your well-being, ignoring them to give way to other’s requests will be detrimental in the long run. Being consistent also reinforces the importance of your boundaries. Others will see that these are non-negotiables and learn to respect them.
Respect goes both ways.
While you have your own personal limits, so will others. It’s important to always respect the boundaries set by others. It creates a mutual understanding and fosters healthier and more respectful
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